Stages of Grief and Loss & Why Healing Isn’t Linear
Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. It’s common for people to go from feeling okay one day to feeling overwhelmed the next. The well-known “five stages of grief” provide a helpful outline, but real experiences rarely unfold in a neat and orderly sequence. Grief often moves in waves with some days feeling heavier and others feeling quieter.
This guide explains what the stages can and can’t capture, why healing isn’t linear, and practical ways families can care for themselves across the first year and beyond.
If grief is consistently affecting daily life, relationships, work, or sleep, it may be a good time to reach out for added support.
Bereavement Support at North Memorial Health
For families and friends of North Memorial Health Hospice patients, our grief counselor Dr. Tara Parrish continues compassionate bereavement support for 13 months after a loved one’s passing.
In this video, she discusses the many ways people handle grief and the concerns they often have during that time, while also reminding us that everyone’s journey is uniquely their own.
The “Five Stages of Grief” at a Glance
Grief is personal. The stages of grief are best understood as common themes rather than a rigid checklist. Some people may experience several stages at once, repeat some stages, or skip some entirely.
- Denial
- What it can feel like: Numbness, shock, “this can’t be real.”
- Why it isn’t linear: Moments of disbelief can resurface later, especially around anniversaries or unfinished plans.
- Anger
- What it can feel like: Irritability, frustration, “why us?”
- Why it isn’t linear: Anger may appear, fade, and return, sometimes shifting toward yourself, other people, the healthcare system, or the situation itself.
- Bargaining
- What it can feel like: “If only…” thoughts; replaying decisions.
- Why it isn’t linear: These thoughts can cycle in and out over time and often overlap with regret, guilt, or second-guessing.
- Depression
- What it can feel like: Deep sadness, fatigue, withdrawal.
- Why it isn’t linear: The intensity of sadness can rise and fall. A few lighter days doesn’t mean grief is gone, and a harder day later doesn’t mean you’re back at the beginning.
- Acceptance
- What it can feel like: More peace, meaning-making, flexibility.
- Why it isn’t linear: Acceptance can coexist with waves of sadness. You may feel more grounded overall and still have days when the loss feels very sharp again.
Practical Ways Families Can Cope Together
Families cope in many different ways, and there is no single “right” approach. Small, steady steps often make more difference than big changes. The ideas below are meant as options. Choose what feels best for you and your family.
- Care for the body. Gentle movement, consistent meals, hydration, and proper sleep support emotional processing.
- Routines & anchors. Light structure like a morning walk, shared meals, or a weekly check-in can steady the day.
- Expressive outlets. Journaling, art, letters to your loved one, or simple rituals (lighting a candle, playing a favorite song) can help.
- Support children & teens. Use clear language, keep routines, and invite expression through play or art. Revisit conversations as understanding grows.
- Community & faith. When desired, lean on trusted communities for presence, prayer, or practical help.
- Know when to reach out. If daily functioning remains very hard for many weeks or if you notice persistent hopelessness, escalating substance use, or thoughts of self-harm, seek professional support.
Support from Our Grief and Bereavement Team
Grief is unique for everyone and may show up physically, mentally, and emotionally. During hospice care, our team can help you navigate concerns of grief and loss as they arise.
Support for Family & Caregivers
- Create space to express feelings (sharing emotions can be healing).
- Name common feelings like anxiety, fear, sadness, anger, and frustration.
- Let conversations unfold when each person is ready while avoiding forced discussions.
- Ongoing support may include helpful resources, counseling, and support groups.
- Grief counseling continues for family, friends, and loved ones for 13 months after a loss.
Eligibility: Bereavement services are available to friends and family of current or former North Memorial Health Hospice patients. If you’re unsure whether you qualify or how to connect, please reach out to your hospice care team or visit our Grief & Loss Support page.
Signs You May Need Grief Counseling: When to Seek Professional Support
For our current and former hospice patients’ friends and family members who are experiencing severe emotional distress, the North Memorial Health bereavement team is here to help.
Here is a list of symptoms that suggest it may be time to seek grief counseling:
- You’re experiencing persistent feelings of depression or thoughts of harming yourself or suicide.
- You’re abusing substances or alcohol or are engaging in addictive behaviors like gambling or overeating.
- You’ve experienced multiple losses in a short period of time.
- You’re grappling with regret about your relationships with the deceased or blaming yourself for your loved one’s death.
- You’re suffering from ongoing symptoms of distress such as crying, difficulty with eating, sleeping, increased irritability or panic attacks.
- You’re worried about yourself, and others are expressing concern for your well-being.
- You’re struggling with unexplained illnesses, unable to complete everyday tasks and avoiding social interaction.
- You’re plagued with intrusive thoughts such as reliving the circumstances of your loved one’s death.
FAQs
How long does intense grief last?
There’s no fixed timeline. Many people notice intense waves in the first months with gradual improvements over the first year, but experiences vary widely. Feelings may resurface around anniversaries or other reminders.
Is it normal to feel relief after a loss?
Yes, especially after a long illness or caregiving. Mixed emotions (relief and sadness together) are common and do not diminish love.
Why do I feel worse months later?
As support from extended family and friends fades, feelings may surge. Triggers and anniversaries can intensify grief. This isn’t a setback. It’s part of the wave.
How can we support children and teens?
Use concrete language, keep routines, answer questions honestly, and invite expression through play, art, or memory projects. Revisit conversations over time.
What grief support does North provide to families after hospice?
For families of our hospice patients, bereavement support continues after a loss and may include newsletters, counseling, support groups, and commemorative opportunities. See our Grief & Loss Support page or contact your hospice care team for details.